Jazz, an 11-yr-old transgirl, has made many national television appearances on shows ranging from Oprah to 20/20 to Good
Morning America and has quickly become one of the strongest voices of trans youth today.
She is an incredibly intelligent, poised, and confident girl and has wonderfully supportive parents and siblings. She wants to "pay it forward" with all the love and support she has received from her family by helping raise money for medical grants for trans youth through the foundation she helped start with her parents (her father is an attorney), TransKids: Purple Rainbow Foundation.
A couple nights ago I posted a video to my YouTube channel in which I interview my mom about what it was like for her when I came out as trans. I thought perhaps it would be helpful to those who are struggling with how to come out to their parents, or for parents who are struggling with the multitude of feelings they are experiencing after their child has just come out to them.
My mom is quite uncomfortable in front of the camera, but she has a great message and I am really glad she agreed to film this video with me. We are a close family and my parents (especially my mom) had a rough time when I first started transitioning. Though it was extremely difficult in the beginning stages of my transition, in the six plus years I have been on testosterone they have come a long way.
My parents are amazing people and I am not only really proud of them, I am grateful for them as well.
PFLAG is a great resource because it has local chapters scattered throughout the United States and parents can take comfort in the fact that they are not alone in this experience. PFLAG's transgender page has a lot of great information and resources too.
A question I am often asked is how I came out to my parents. There are many ways to come out - in person, over the phone, in an e-mail, or a letter. I came out to my parents in person, but I wrote letters to the rest of my family. The trans coming out conversation was hard enough to have with my parents, so for my large extended family I wrote letters; having that conversation over and over starts to get emotionally wearing.
A letter can often be a good method to use (even with parents) because it allows them time to think about what was said in the letter and unlike a face-to-face conversation or telephone call, there is no chance for the exchange of harsh words or for things to get out of hand - it allows time to process. After all, you have probably thought about the trans thing as long as you can remember, but they just heard about it and are probably entirely overwhelmed. Giving them space and allowing them time to process also means they might do some research for themselves and come into the "follow up" conversation more informed.
Here are a few other videos about coming out from 2009 and 2008, respectively.
Coming Out and Family (April 2008)
Don't Hesitate: Coming Out to Family (March 2009)
My parents and I took a long time to get where we are today - we did it with continuous, open communication, a fierce perseverance, and unconditional love. There are going to be a lot of rough moments, but there will be a lot of beautiful ones, too; it just takes time. Persevere.
Resources for Parents of Transgender Children:
Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA)
TYFA is a wonderful organization and resource with a special section for parents of transgender children called “TransParent Journeys” with a list of parents' blogs and family stories.
TransActive is a non profit organization that serves the needs of transgender and gender nonconforming children and their families.
TransKids Purple Rainbow is an organization founded by the father of a young transgender girl that is dedicated to empowering trans youth and their families and educates peers, governmental and religious institutions as well as school and medical communities on trans youth.
In this video I recount the experience I had with the administration at the university where I graduated. I had to have my transcripts sent to Portland State University so I had to stop by student services. I have been getting alumni mail addressed to “Ms. Asher,” which is frustrating – I never thought to do a gender change within the university, and I guess they didn't get the memo when the name changed from Christina to Charles.
After the guy was done processing my transcript request form, he asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. I told him about getting mail as “Ms.” and asked if they “accidentally” had me as female in their system. He looked, turned bright red, and told me they did.
Then he asks, “you're not a girl are you?”
I found this question fairly ridiculous considering he was asking a dude with a beard if he was a girl. I think the whole “Ms.” thing threw him off so much that he didn't really think about what he was asking – I don't think the trans thing even crossed his mind.
If he has asked if I was a transguy or if I had been born female/assigned female at birth, I wouldn't have said no – but I live and navigate the world as male and am not a girl. Simple as that. It's not my problem if he didn't connect the dots!
I have gained a lot more confidence in dealing with situations in which “the trans thing” comes up – whether it be administration at my old college, flying and TSA body scans, or running into someone from my past. I am always matter-of-fact about it and up front – there is no reason not to be, and a little education and awareness go a long way.
Recently, Forest (aka ClosetTransgender on the Tube) made a poignant video entitled "The Silent Years." Forest is transitioning without hormones and is having the experience of being somewhat of a ghost; his male identity is often invisible to those he encounters, which lead to feelings of invalidation.
I'm sure many who are early in transition or not using hormones at all can relate to this feeling at some time or another during their transition.
I can relate to where he is coming from and can only imagine how frustrating it is for him to have his male identity be constantly invalidated/challenged/gone unrecognized.
A main theme in my videos is the idea of "transition giving voice;" I feel this experience has empowered me and allowed me to find my voice in this world and speak from a place of great understanding (having embodied two genders in my lifetime).
Nothing is more frustrating than having this (male) identity I've crafted invalidated, so I empathize with Forest when his true self is "silenced" by others.
Yesterday I posted this video to my YouTube channel which intends to be a quick overview of what to expect when you have chest surgery; it also hopes to answer questions and calm some nerves!
As with all my videos and blog posts, the opinions reflected herein are solely my own and I do not claim to speak for anyone but myself.
Here is a follow-up video I shot this afternoon with some tips for guys preparing for surgery.
This is a video log I shot the morning of my chest surgery in the hotel in Baltimore.
This is me seeing my chest for the first time on December 19, 2006, a week after my surgery.
Here is a video shot the same night I saw my chest for the first time and documents a simple, but significant milestone in any transman's transition - being able to wear a t-shirt for the first time with a flat chest.
Here is a great video from LT, aka lateasharichardson in the Minneapolis, MN area talking about his excitement in recently starting T and his new, happy, joyous outlook at life.
His excitement and happiness is contagious and I can relate; few moments in my life have compared to my transition milestones of starting testosterone and having surgery.
here is the next (second) installment in the "new & noteworth FTMs" series. meet oakleigh. he's a 17 year old junior in high school and a musician just starting his transition journey.
