Paruresis /ˌpɑrəˈriːsɪs/ par-ə-ree-sis) is a type of phobia in which the sufferer is unable to urinate in the (real or imaginary) presence of others, such as in a public restroom. It most commonly affects males, though there are female sufferers too. [via Wikipedia]
I recently made this video about “pee shyness.” It is an actual medical condition (a social anxiety disorder) called *paruesis (also called urophobia) that affects a lot of men (women can suffer from this too), and transmen seem to suffer from their fair share of it too. I have done a few videos on men's bathrooms because they really seem to be a source of stress for a lot of transmen.
As the video below tries to show, just relax and take it easy! It is not as bad as you think. The less nervous you are, the smoother the experience will go. Guys are way different in the bathroom; they are not as “alert” as women and want to get in there, do their business, and get out of the restroom with making as little eye contact as possible.
Transwomen have the rougher side of the coin; they go from a “business” type approach to the bathroom to a very social and potentially scrutinizing situation. Women pay much more attention to other people in the restroom; men generally could care less. Men are usually comfortable peeing in front of anyone (though not always the case) and they could care less if a woman walked in - if they did, they could opt to use a stall. On the whole, men don't give a hoot and neither should you!
I did this particular video with a non trans male friend while living in San Francisco to get his opinion on the whole men's bathroom situation and peeing standing up. It is important to remember that these are merely his views and not representative of all non transmales, just as my videos and writings are my experiences and do not represent the transmale community as a whole.
We are all different and have different experiences in transition, and they are all valuable and genuine. It is important not to compare yourself to others and just live out your life and transition the way is right for you.
*There is an organization for those who suffer from paruesis called the International Paruesis Association and they are located in Baltimore, MD. They offer support to those who suffer from this condition and promise you are not alone - they estimate that 7% of the public, some 17 million people may suffer from paruesis.
From the IPA website:
Welcome to the official IPA (International Paruresis Association) website. This site is provided as a resource for people who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in the presence of others, either in their own home or in public facilities. Also, for people who have difficulty under the stress of time pressure, when being observed, when others are close by and might hear them, or when traveling on moving vehicles.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. In fact, recent studies show that about seven percent (7%) of the public, or 17 million people, may suffer from this social anxiety disorder. Often referred to as Pee-Shy, Shy-Bladder, Bashful Bladder, etc., avoidant paruresis is nothing to be ashamed of, and you have made an important step simply by coming to this website.
Inside you will find helpful information on support groups, support seminars (workshops), and even drug therapy. There is also a useful and friendly discussion board where you can share your problems and success -- or just "listen in" -- with others who have the same problem as you.
"On the whole, men don't give a hoot and neither should you?" Well, I beg to differ!!! The very idea of entering a MALE-ONLY, read: POTENTIAL RAPIST-ONLY restroom or locker room is a total NO-NO for me, and I wouldn't care if they were all the nicest Christian men on the face of the earth!!! The fact still remains that, 1.) they have a penis, 2.) I have a uterus, and 3.) those things combine to make babies!!! So no, I will NOT practice your idiotic, unsafe, irresponsible, wreckless behaviors of using men's facilities, because no matter how "little" they talk, or even look at "other men," I don't give a flying F and would feel 1,000 times safer in the ladies' room, which is the ONLY kind I've ever used in my entire 30 years of life except for a few times where there was only a single unisex toilet in the whole place.
ReplyDeleteNo one ever questions me as to why I'm there, and I don't feel the least bit "uncomfortable" about peeing/pooping/farting, no matter who walks in that door! I also don't have parauresis or paracopresis (being shit-shy), either. The Bible says that the only thing you are to fear is the Lord, not some WOMAN (or CHILD, for Pete's sake) in a public restroom making fun of how you smell when she herself was probably doing it in a diaper not too many years ago. (No, that's never happened to me, but it seems that Amanda Russo, or ThatGabe, couldn't wait to use the men's rooms for that reason. It's like, what the F is that bitch eating?!?!? Rotten eggs or something?!?!?)
So you need to STFU about "men's rooms," because that will NOT promote your disgusting, perverted lifestyle to me or any other sane, Christian woman with a brain in her head!!! I would much rather stop using public restrooms all-together than to try to pee through a TOY until my genitals can be mutilated to the point where it would no longer be needed. I consider those rubber penises an abomination and wouldn't take one if they were free! I like my anatomy, thank you very much, and I consider women/girls' need to sit for everything to be one of the main reasons why the boys take so much longer to potty-train. So I couldn't care less what you or any other mannish freak has to say about this subject and have therefore quit watching your disturbingly misogynistic videos.
Sincerely,
"irisom," who made a video, "Why SHOULD I use the men's room?" in 2009, stating my extreme disgust at the very thought of that!!!