Men's Public Restrooms & STPs

 Men's Bathrooms – Pee Shy

Whipping it Out in the Men's Room [Re: STP and its use]

(Standing to) Pee Preferences

 

Q+A: Men's Restrooms, Pee Shyness, an Observation, etc

I Am Jazz: A Family in Transition [trans youth]

Jazz, an 11-yr-old transgirl, has made many national television appearances on shows ranging from Oprah to 20/20 to Good Morning America and has quickly become one of the strongest voices of trans youth today.

She is an incredibly intelligent, poised, and confident girl and has wonderfully supportive parents and siblings. She wants to "pay it forward" with all the love and support she has received from her family by helping raise money for medical grants for trans youth through the foundation she helped start with her parents (her father is an attorney), TransKids: Purple Rainbow Foundation.

Jazz and her family were recently profiled in the OWN documentary I Am Jazz: A Family in Transition.

 

Jazz was recently honored at the Trevor Live Gala, where she gave a touching acceptance speech.  

She was also recently named in the Advocate's Forty Under 40, making her the youngest person ever to receive such an honor.

For more information and resources for trans youth, click here.

46th Anniversary of Compton Cafeteria Riot March & Rally - San Francisco

46th Anniversaryof Compton Cafeteria Riot March & Rally

5:oopm - August 20, 2012 - San Francisco, California

Meet at City Hall at 5:00pm on the Polk St. side to march, 

or join us at 5:30pm at the corner ofTurk & Taylor.

via the Facebook Event Page:

Join in celebrating the legacy of LGBTQ homeless youth in San Francisco's Tenderloin district. 

March from City Hall to Gene Comptons' Cafeteria (former site) on the corner of Turk and Taylor, where we will have speakers (more to be revealed as we get closer to the event), refreshments and use sidewalk chalk to leave remembrances on the sidewalk.

The Compton's Cafeteria Riot was spurred by a group of transgender women and the Vangaurd youth (queer street hustlers). The contemporary group of LGBTQ homeless youth known as Otro Vanguard will participate in this event with some of the heroes of the movement including Felicia Flames who was featured in the Screaming Queens documentary.

Clergy are invited to wear collars or a sign of their faith.

Confirmed speakers include: Felicia Flames, Pastor Megan Rohrer, Supervisor Scott Wiener and Trans Law Center Executive Director Masen Davis.

While most GLBTQ historians cite the Stonewall riots in 1969 as the start of the gay liberation struggle, in 1995 a new slice of LGBTQ history was brought to light by transgender historian Susan Stryker while she was researching her now best-selling book, “Gay by the Bay.” Stryker discovered an article in the 1972 Gay Pride program about a riot that took place in San Francisco at Gene Compton's Cafeteria in August of 1966.

Tired of the constant harassment by the SFPD, the drag queens refused to leave the cafeteria and rioted against the police. This event marks the first time in history where LGBTQ people fought back against the police and took a stand for themselves.

Susan Stryker, a transgender historian, author, professor, and filmmaker co-directed the 2005 documentary "Screaming Queens: The Riot at Compton's Cafeteria" which profiles these courageous women.

You can watch the first 24 minutes of the film here:

There are also several clips from the film available on YouTube:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Southern Comfort Conference 2012

Southern Comfort Conference is the largest transgender conference in the world and is held every September in Atlanta, Georgia. This years dates are the 18-23rd. While SCC has a largely transfeminine presence, since I first attended in 2006 they have been doing a lot to improve programming and other activities for transmasculine-identified individuals – the best of these being the Robert Eads Health Partnership (REHP).

Robert Eads was a transman who lived in rural Georgia and was a long-time attendee of SCC who died of ovarian cancer after suffering from extreme transphobia at the hands of healthcare professionals. The critically acclaimed 2001 documentary chronicles his story.

REHP allows transmen to get the needed (and dreaded) yearly pelvic exam in the company of other transmen in a trans-positive environment.  Getting the necessary exams in the company of other transmasculine-identified men can reduce the anxiety many transmen feel at even the thought of these procedures.

Transgender healthcare can be difficult to navigate anywhere, but this can often be a difficult space to even find in the Southeast, Midwest, rural areas, and other non-metropolitan areas; I live in a city in the south with a population of over one million and no physician here will treat me - I drive an hour and a half each way to a college town to see a physician for my transgender-related medical care. REHP is a great option for those who live in an area where they do not have access to basic healthcare or trans-friendly and knowledgeable physicians.

SCC is a bit pricey, especially with lodging, food, and travel expenses, but if you're in the Atlanta area, I'd definitely recommend going to the hotel where the conference is being held because you can always find a cool group of trans people to hang with - nothing beats the sense of community one feels when around 1,000 other trans people. Transitioning in the south, this was a rare occurrence for me, so I cherished all of the moments just socializing with other trans people - I think most conference attendees would agree that the best parts of the conference aren't the seminars or even anything scheduled at all, but in the late-night parties and 3am conversations.

This year FTM adult film star and producer Buck Angel is attending the conference and will be at the Transmen's Welcome Party on September 20th, so come on out and meet him!

Since the full conference registration is $375 on site (or $355 & $365 in August and September), a variety of registration packages are available at a lower cost. The full registration includes luncheon and dinner on both Friday and Saturday and all non-extra cost activities.

Friday & Saturday only is $330 on site or $310 if you register this month, or $320 if you register in September before you arrive.

Saturday only registration is $260 on site or $240 if you register this month, or $250 if you register in September prior to your arrival and includes luncheon, dinner, and all non-extra cost activities.

The most affordable rate is the "conference only" registration (and is what I purchased every year I attended), and includes all seminars and non-extra cost activities. The cost is $125, regardless of when you register. Meals are not included.

SCC believes that money should not be a barrier to attendance and offers scholarships to first time attendees (and their partners or a friend!).

Southern Comfort quick links:

Facebook 

YouTube

Yahoo Group

Transmasculine Program

Coming Out to Parents + Resources

A couple nights ago I posted a video to my YouTube channel in which I interview my mom about what it was like for her when I came out as trans. I thought perhaps it would be helpful to those who are struggling with how to come out to their parents, or for parents who are struggling with the multitude of feelings they are experiencing after their child has just come out to them.

My mom is quite uncomfortable in front of the camera, but she has a great message and I am really glad she agreed to film this video with me. We are a close family and my parents (especially my mom) had a rough time when I first started transitioning. Though it was extremely difficult in the beginning stages of my transition, in the six plus years I have been on testosterone they have come a long way.

My parents are amazing people and I am not only really proud of them, I am grateful for them as well.



Here is the link to PFLAG and the Parents of FTM Transsexuals Yahoo group that I mentioned in the video.

PFLAG is a great resource because it has local chapters scattered throughout the United States and parents can take comfort in the fact that they are not alone in this experience. PFLAG's transgender page has a lot of great information and resources too.

A question I am often asked is how I came out to my parents. There are many ways to come out - in person, over the phone, in an e-mail, or a letter. I came out to my parents in person, but I wrote letters to the rest of my family. The trans coming out conversation was hard enough to have with my parents, so for my large extended family I wrote letters; having that conversation over and over starts to get emotionally wearing.

A letter can often be a good method to use (even with parents) because it allows them time to think about what was said in the letter and unlike a face-to-face conversation or telephone call, there is no chance for the exchange of harsh words or for things to get out of hand - it allows time to process. After all, you have probably thought about the trans thing as long as you can remember, but they just heard about it and are probably entirely overwhelmed. Giving them space and allowing them time to process also means they might do some research for themselves and come into the "follow up" conversation more informed.

Here are a few other videos about coming out from 2009 and 2008, respectively.

Coming Out and Family (April 2008)

Don't Hesitate: Coming Out to Family (March 2009)


My parents and I took a long time to get where we are today - we did it with continuous, open communication, a fierce perseverance, and unconditional love. There are going to be a lot of rough moments, but there will be a lot of beautiful ones, too; it just takes time. Persevere.

Resources for Parents of Transgender Children: 

Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA) TYFA is a wonderful organization and resource with a special section for parents of transgender children called “TransParent Journeys” with a list of parents' blogs and family stories.

TransActive is a non profit organization that serves the needs of transgender and gender nonconforming children and their families. TransKids Purple Rainbow is an organization founded by the father of a young transgender girl that is dedicated to empowering trans youth and their families and educates peers, governmental and religious institutions as well as school and medical communities on trans youth.

Parents of Transgender Kids Facebook 

For even more FTM and SOFFA mailing lists, check out the “Finding Community” page on Transguys.com.

If your parents are readers, a great book to send their way is “True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism: For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals” by Mildred Brown and Chloe Rounsley. Though it was written back in 1996, it still remains a relevant resource and one of the better books written about transsexualism for SOFFAs.

You can also download “Our Trans Children” (5th edition) from the PFLAG website for free. [pdf file]


If you have any questions or you'd like to talk more directly, shoot me an e-mail at charliewarhol@gmail.com, or you can connect with me on Facebook. 

Testosterone Voice Change Comparison

Earlier this week I showed a new friend my five year testosterone voice comparison, and she was absolutely blown away. I have to admit, it still even shocks me to hear the change sometimes. I forget my voice was ever that high and sounded like that. I estimate it has dropped roughly an octave or an octave and a half.

Here are some voice comparison videos from other guys.











To see how testosterone has affected my singing voice, check out this post.

Transguys & Adam's Apples

Recently Forest did a great video on Adam's Apples. They are one of many changes that happen on T, but one of the least talked about. Show your Adam's Apple pride!

How to Make an STP

Recently I did a couple videos on how to make an STP. You can make the basic medicine spoon/tubing combo for less than $5 and use it by itself or insert it into a packer if you so desire.

FTM: Coming Out to Parents II [family]

In my last post I shared a video from Jimmy, an awesome dad of an FTM son. In this video, he along with his son Peter offer advice for transpeople coming out to their parents.

In the following video, Kyp shares his experience with coming out to his family.

FTM: Coming Out to Parents [family]

Coming out to family - especially parents, can be one of the most difficult challenges one faces when they transition. In addition to the physical and social torment our bodies cause us, thoughts plague us for years about whether our families will understand or disown us, and ultimately, accept us.

Even though coming out to your parents can be a really difficult thing to do, keep in mind in the end they are your parents and love you and want the best for you. Not all parents will have the terrible reaction we all expect, though - Jimmy is one of those parents.

In the following video Jimmy interviews his FTM son Peter about what it is like being transgender. Jimmy is a remarkable man and the kind of dad anyone would be lucky to have. Most can only hope to have parents that are this understanding and educated about gender and identity.



In this next video, the tables are turned and Forest talks openly with his parents about being transgender. He speaks with them about his past, how he never really fit in, and how they feel about him being trans.



I came out to my parents in a series of letters and through many talks throughout the years. I have always been a fan of the written word and have found writing a good medium in which to express my thoughts; the other party has time to process the contents on their own time and how they feel comfortable without the tension of having to take it all in at once or fearing my reaction which could lead to a verbal altercation and misunderstanding.

If anyone is curious on what to say to your parents in a coming out letter, I have published two of the letters I wrote to my parents in the beginning of my transition in my Charlie Begins blog here and here.

Pee Shyness [men's bathrooms].

Paruresis /ˌpɑrəˈriːsɪs/ par-ə-ree-sis) is a type of phobia in which the sufferer is unable to urinate in the (real or imaginary) presence of others, such as in a public restroom. It most commonly affects males, though there are female sufferers too. [via Wikipedia]



I recently made this video about “pee shyness.” It is an actual medical condition (a social anxiety disorder) called *paruesis (also called urophobia) that affects a lot of men (women can suffer from this too), and transmen seem to suffer from their fair share of it too. I have done a few videos on men's bathrooms because they really seem to be a source of stress for a lot of transmen.

As the video below tries to show, just relax and take it easy! It is not as bad as you think. The less nervous you are, the smoother the experience will go. Guys are way different in the bathroom; they are not as “alert” as women and want to get in there, do their business, and get out of the restroom with making as little eye contact as possible.

Transwomen have the rougher side of the coin; they go from a “business” type approach to the bathroom to a very social and potentially scrutinizing situation. Women pay much more attention to other people in the restroom; men generally could care less. Men are usually comfortable peeing in front of anyone (though not always the case) and they could care less if a woman walked in - if they did, they could opt to use a stall. On the whole, men don't give a hoot and neither should you!



I did this particular video with a non trans male friend while living in San Francisco to get his opinion on the whole men's bathroom situation and peeing standing up. It is important to remember that these are merely his views and not representative of all non transmales, just as my videos and writings are my experiences and do not represent the transmale community as a whole.

We are all different and have different experiences in transition, and they are all valuable and genuine. It is important not to compare yourself to others and just live out your life and transition the way is right for you.



*There is an organization for those who suffer from paruesis called the International Paruesis Association and they are located in Baltimore, MD. They offer support to those who suffer from this condition and promise you are not alone - they estimate that 7% of the public, some 17 million people may suffer from paruesis.

From the IPA website:

Welcome to the official IPA (International Paruresis Association) website. This site is provided as a resource for people who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in the presence of others, either in their own home or in public facilities. Also, for people who have difficulty under the stress of time pressure, when being observed, when others are close by and might hear them, or when traveling on moving vehicles.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. In fact, recent studies show that about seven percent (7%) of the public, or 17 million people, may suffer from this social anxiety disorder. Often referred to as Pee-Shy, Shy-Bladder, Bashful Bladder, etc., avoidant paruresis is nothing to be ashamed of, and you have made an important step simply by coming to this website.

Inside you will find helpful information on support groups, support seminars (workshops), and even drug therapy. There is also a useful and friendly discussion board where you can share your problems and success -- or just "listen in" -- with others who have the same problem as you.

SF & LA Transgender Film Festivals [film, events]

The 10th Anniversary of the San Francisco Transgender Film Festival is happening November 3-5, 2011.


Find them on Facebook here and Twitter here.



If you're down in SoCal, the Los Angeles Transgender Film Festival will be held November 4-6 , 2011.



Find them on Facebook here.

"Are You a Girl?" [video]

In this video I recount the experience I had with the administration at the university where I graduated. I had to have my transcripts sent to Portland State University so I had to stop by student services. I have been getting alumni mail addressed to “Ms. Asher,” which is frustrating – I never thought to do a gender change within the university, and I guess they didn't get the memo when the name changed from Christina to Charles.

After the guy was done processing my transcript request form, he asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. I told him about getting mail as “Ms.” and asked if they “accidentally” had me as female in their system. He looked, turned bright red, and told me they did.

Then he asks, “you're not a girl are you?”

I found this question fairly ridiculous considering he was asking a dude with a beard if he was a girl. I think the whole “Ms.” thing threw him off so much that he didn't really think about what he was asking – I don't think the trans thing even crossed his mind.

If he has asked if I was a transguy or if I had been born female/assigned female at birth, I wouldn't have said no – but I live and navigate the world as male and am not a girl. Simple as that. It's not my problem if he didn't connect the dots!

I have gained a lot more confidence in dealing with situations in which “the trans thing” comes up – whether it be administration at my old college, flying and TSA body scans, or running into someone from my past. I am always matter-of-fact about it and up front – there is no reason not to be, and a little education and awareness go a long way.

Traveling as a Transguy.

Traveling via airplane can be a nerve-wracking experience for any transguy, but with a little preparation and confidence, all should go well.

This video talks about body scans, flying with testosterone, packing and binding, carry letters, as well as flying before any legal changes have been done.

The following video goes into more detail about TSA body scans and flying with a packer:



In the video I talked about obtaining a “carry letter” to make your travel as smooth as possible. Here is a link to a sample carry letter from FORGE.

Testosterone, Sex Drive, etc. [hormones, sex]

One of the most recent videos on my YouTube channel is about my sudden increase in sex drive with this past week's shot of testosterone, whereas just a couple months ago I couldn't even finish.

My libido has definitely decreased from jackrabbit to a steady drive over the course of five and a half years on testosterone (before T I had no interest in sex, no drive at all), but with this past shot, I felt like I was going through puberty all over again!

Guys, if you are on T and your sex drive isn't through the roof, don't worry - it is a common belief among doctors that males hit their sexual peak at 18, so you will just be "one of the guys" when it comes to diminished interest in sex, since most of us transition after the age of 18.



Anti-depressants are also commonly known to decrease libido (which is part of my problem), so if you are on an anti-d and having trouble getting aroused or orgasming, then you could possibly talk to your doctor about changing your dosage or other treatment options to decrease some of that frustration that T so aggressively causes!

Here are some foods to increase libido.

Testosterone! [changes]

I'm recently back on testosterone after nearly a month off, and one of my latest videos is on the overwhelming amount of hunger I've had since my last shot.

Here is another video on "being late" with T:

One of the things I looked forward to most when starting T (besides dick growth!) was the voice change. Here is a five year (2005-2010) voice comparison:

Facial & Body Hair: 5 Years on Testosterone:

Bearded Me (Facial Hair Growth):

Changes Four Years on Testosterone:

Changes Two and a Half Years on Testosterone:

No Timeline for Testosterone:

Don't Be Shy [transition gives voice]

I created the original "Don't Be Shy" video back in May 2007 because I really felt that the lyrics described what transition had done for me; it allowed me to come out of my shell and gave me a voice. It allowed me a physical presence in this world and a path in which to navigate it, and I finally could genuinely participate in a world I had previously viewed from only the outside.



The song still means a lot to me and much has gone on in my life since the original video was made, so "Don't Be Shy II" is meant to be an update of sorts. I also feel it reflects a new level I have reached in my transition; through medical transition I found my voice, now I am at the point of refining that voice.

In the past four years since the original video was made, my transition has moved beyond just defining my physical place in the world as a male, but evolved on a spiritual and intellectual level; the second video hopes to reflect that.

At This Point in My Transition [video, lower surgery]

I posted a video this afternoon about a penis/sexual/psychological problem I've been having lately - it's a little hard to talk about, so I will just let the video do the speaking.



I also have come to a point in my transition where I am seriously starting to consider lower surgery and am starting the whole process of researching/consultation/figuring out funding.



It also feels really great to be back on T; I had to give myself an injection a couple weeks ago because my girlfriend (who is a nurse) was already at work. I am not the biggest fan of needles (that's why I started on T cream), but I like to still self-inject every once in awhile just so I don't get rusty at it and am able to give myself injections if need be.

Strength in Transformation [video].

This is the latest video I have posted to my YouTube channel, called “Strength in Transformation.” I think this is one of the videos on my channel I am most proud of; the footage was acquired over several years’ time in various parts of the country and took me several all-nighters to complete. During this whole tumultious and overwhelming transition process, more than just my gender has transformed. I am becoming more whole as a person; transitioning was just a part of the journey. In a way, it was the key that opened the door to the world so I could actually start my journey in life.

I used to struggle with finding balance between my trans self and just my plain old male/person/self, but this hardly comes up anymore in my day to day life. I still struggle with balance, but I find it is more "life-related," rather than gender-related. I worry about the stuff every one else does - my relationships, finances, work; it's quite a relief to not have to think so actively about my gender.

I'm so glad my active transition is over; I was very fortunate to get it done quickly and when I was relatively young. I am 26 and have been on testosterone for nearly six years now; it doesn't feel like that. In fact, it doesn't feel like anything. It feels like this is how I always have been. I can hardly distinguish my trans self from just myself now, and I think that is what I have been striving for since I started transitioning.

Health & Safe Sex for FTMs [info, video]

More info:

Dr. Nick Gorton's Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men: A Guide for Health Care Providers

Hudson's FTM Guide: FTM Health Links

TM4M: Resources for Transmen Who Play with Men

Let's Talk about FTM Sex

FTM Safe Sex & HIV Prevention